simply

its not poetic.
its desperate and kind of sad to tell you the truth.

its the story of a girl who is never good enough in her own eyes, but wont accept anything less than perfect.

it isnt original either, come to that.

this is the story that we hear from a friend of a friend, this doesnt happen to anyone close to us.

what do you do? when you wake up to find it in your bed, in your kitchen, infiltrating you thoughts and making it impossible to find any solace from the unceasing need to be better.

its so selfish.
im so selfish.

When I open my mouth the words just spill out and I don't even know if it makes sense anymore. I'm sick of trying to understand why I feel this way. Everywhere I turn people tell me that its 'normal' for a teenager, or not to worry because you grow out of it.
Well, no offence but I'm stuck in the middle of it right now and knowing that one day in the hazy future I might feel better isn't really much help.
This isn't so much poetry and prose, more facts and a form of purging for me.

I hope you don't mind, I just needed to speak up for once

I get nervous when I even begin to write these days. I want, I expect to sit down and something mindblowing to spill from my fingertips and truth be told when it comes to writing, similar to the rest of my life, I think I'm extremely average. The realisation was a long time coming and it hurts to think about because this is all I have anymore.

I want something bigger and better than the life I've been given.  I should be grateful for what I do have but I can't stop thinking about how much more happy I would be if I was somewhere else, or someone different.

Most of all though, I want you.

i've been...busy

new projects haha.

i now have 4 blogs dispersed through the internet. i'd rather not post the URLs, im enjoying the annonymity and not worrying about peoples opinions.

i really thought this year was looking up. oh well

for those of you who knew, and even those who didn't - i was supposed to go to the wombats yesterday.

but it got cancelled.

ha.

yep.

ironic? i think so.